Have you recently split up with your boyfriend but want him back? 

Are you shocked by the fact that he lost interest and called things off?

Is there is a boyfriend-shaped hole in your heart and in your life?

Here are some simple steps to help you mend the relationship and win him back.

Some do nots

If you are like me, do not chased or pester him. Do not even text him every hour of the day or show up wherever he happens to be, making it look like an accident, because these types of actions would be the best way of scaring him off.  The only way to win him back for keeps is to make him want to come back to you.

Work on you, not him

Do not spend your time focused on him. Instead, consider how to be a more positive person yourself. Chances are that you are awash with loss, hurt and negativity. You therefore may need to cleanse these feelings from your heart; otherwise you may never be in the right place to attract him – or anyone else - again.

Something that can help do this is writing a long letter to your ex.  In it, talk about the experiences you have shared – both positive and negative – and let out all your feelings about the way that the affair ended.  When you have finished writing the letter; burn it (safely!) – Yep, you heard right!  Set fire to it, without even thinking of sending it to him.  You will then feel as if the negative episodes of the relationship are over once and for all.

Afterwards, work hard at trying to turn all negative feelings into a positive force for change.  Instead of dwelling on things which you feel badly about, try to think of ways in which to change or eliminate things in your life which you do not feel good about.  Do not let your friends be negative about your ex either, because if you are to win him back for good, you will later need their friendship and support.

When talking to your ex, focus on what made the relationship strong.  Think about the good times you had and remind him of the happiness you shared.  Do not bring up negative experiences or bad episodes, and avoid apportioning blame for the relationship falling apart.  In order help your ex-boyfriend get into a frame of mind where he wants to get back to you, emphasise only the positive aspects of your relationship.

Play to your strengths instead of taking time to learn unknown things.  For instance, if your boyfriend used to compliment you on your prowess in the kitchen, consider taking classes to improve your skills further.  Accentuating the things you are already good at is a great way to show yourself in a positive light.

However, it’s important also to try to address any shortcomings as well.  For example, if he did not like the fact that your flat was a bit of a mess, concentrate on trying to improve your tidiness skills.  If you want your ex to want you back, he will need to see that you’re making an effort to become a better person.

Show you want him back

Lastly, you need to get him to notice the fact that you’re still interested in a relationship –not even necessarily with him.  All this work you’re putting into improving yourself is bound to get you noticed – and, if someone asks you out on a date, do not turn them down. The worst case scenario is that by accepting his offer, you will get some practice in the dating game. However, doing this may lead to the unpredictable. It could make your ex realise that you are a desirable catch and make him want to re-ignite things between you and him. Or, surprisingly, on the other hand your new suitor could end up becoming the man you were looking for all along. The bottom line is, by accepting a date offer; you have got nothing to lose. By focusing on your strengths and striving to improve your weaknesses, you are bound to find happiness.

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Noskay:  Publisher of Many Romance and Relationship Books