Have you recently split up with your boyfriend but want him back? 

Are you shocked by the fact that he lost interest and called things off?

Is there is a boyfriend-shaped hole in your heart and in your life?

Here are some simple steps to help you mend the relationship and win him back.

Some do nots

If you are like me, do not chased or pester him. Do not even text him every hour of the day or show up wherever he happens to be, making it look like an accident, because these types of actions would be the best way of scaring him off.  The only way to win him back for keeps is to make him want to come back to you.

Work on you, not him

Do not spend your time focused on him. Instead, consider how to be a more positive person yourself. Chances are that you are awash with loss, hurt and negativity. You therefore may need to cleanse these feelings from your heart; otherwise you may never be in the right place to attract him – or anyone else - again.

Something that can help do this is writing a long letter to your ex.  In it, talk about the experiences you have shared – both positive and negative – and let out all your feelings about the way that the affair ended.  When you have finished writing the letter; burn it (safely!) – Yep, you heard right!  Set fire to it, without even thinking of sending it to him.  You will then feel as if the negative episodes of the relationship are over once and for all.

Afterwards, work hard at trying to turn all negative feelings into a positive force for change.  Instead of dwelling on things which you feel badly about, try to think of ways in which to change or eliminate things in your life which you do not feel good about.  Do not let your friends be negative about your ex either, because if you are to win him back for good, you will later need their friendship and support.

When talking to your ex, focus on what made the relationship strong.  Think about the good times you had and remind him of the happiness you shared.  Do not bring up negative experiences or bad episodes, and avoid apportioning blame for the relationship falling apart.  In order help your ex-boyfriend get into a frame of mind where he wants to get back to you, emphasise only the positive aspects of your relationship.

Play to your strengths instead of taking time to learn unknown things.  For instance, if your boyfriend used to compliment you on your prowess in the kitchen, consider taking classes to improve your skills further.  Accentuating the things you are already good at is a great way to show yourself in a positive light.

However, it’s important also to try to address any shortcomings as well.  For example, if he did not like the fact that your flat was a bit of a mess, concentrate on trying to improve your tidiness skills.  If you want your ex to want you back, he will need to see that you’re making an effort to become a better person.

Show you want him back

Lastly, you need to get him to notice the fact that you’re still interested in a relationship –not even necessarily with him.  All this work you’re putting into improving yourself is bound to get you noticed – and, if someone asks you out on a date, do not turn them down. The worst case scenario is that by accepting his offer, you will get some practice in the dating game. However, doing this may lead to the unpredictable. It could make your ex realise that you are a desirable catch and make him want to re-ignite things between you and him. Or, surprisingly, on the other hand your new suitor could end up becoming the man you were looking for all along. The bottom line is, by accepting a date offer; you have got nothing to lose. By focusing on your strengths and striving to improve your weaknesses, you are bound to find happiness.

Learn the strategies to save your relationship or marriage in minutes with our recommended The Magic of Making Up product

Noskay:  Publisher of Many Romance and Relationship Books

Is your relationship built on trust and love?  How much do you trust your partner?

Not everyone knows this, but there are seven basic steps to building trust in your relationship.  The things which spring to mind, such as always making the effort to ‘spice things up’, are surprisingly not the most effective methods to long-term security.  Dependability and steadiness are more crucial than change and variety; the steps which follow are certain to improve your relationship with your partner and allow trust and understanding to blossom.

 As mentioned above, you need to be honest and reliable in order for your partner to trust you. This may seem counter-intuitive, seeing as the prevailing idea is that you must ‘stir things up’ to keep the flame of love from being blown out. However, while that is true in terms of the actions you do (such as buying surprise gifts, trying new things and arranging trips away), it is very important to be consistent in how you approach the relationship, so that your partner can always trust you and feel secure every day.

The engine of any successful relationship is communication. It is important to understand that your body needs to match what your mouth says. People take cues from body language and gestures much more than they do fromspeech. So if you’re saying that you’re happy – but you frown while saying it –then your partner will not believe that you’re being truthful.  The expressionon your face and the tone of your voice is important because your partner needs to be able to trust everything that you say in order to feel at ease in therelationship.  If you are truthful and sincere in everything you say, you definitely can’t go wrong.

A relationship without trust and honesty is a toxic relationship. Loving your partner is simply not enough; you have to make sure you have faith in his or her abilities and intentions.  If you allow yourself to doubt the person you love, that personwill never fully have your trust – and the truth, if told with love, is always the best option.

Be honest and don’t keep secrets from yourpartner.  Lying, or even hiding the truth, will destroy the trust embedded in the bond that you have.  If you’re honest and up-front, there is nothing which can hurt you if revealed later.  Secrets, and the efforts you have to take to hide them, consume the productive energy which you should be putting into making your partner feel loved.

Importantly, you must be honest with your partner in terms of saying ‘no’.  It’s good for them to be open about expressing their needs – but don’t feel obligated to indulge them in something if you don’t want to do so.  If you agree unconditionally to every request then you risk at best doing a lot of things you might not necessarily want to do, and at worst losing the respect of your partner.  Discussing difficult issues and differences of opinion in an adult-like manner will build your partner’s trust in you.

Lastly, always try to ensure that your relationship is movingupwards and growing.  In order for a flower to grow, you have to getyour hands dirty when planting it – so don’t be afraid to confront difficult or uncertain situations by talking them through with your partner.  If handled correctly, they’ll become the fertilizer which helps your bond grow stronger. However, if not resolved and left to fester, they become weeds.  Learn to confront and deal with turmoil, and success will be your reward.

Fostering trust  in a relationship is not always easy, and occasionally you’ll come across painful or difficult issues.  However, working through them will not only make you a stronger person, it’ll cement your bond to your loved one as well.

Learn how you can save your relationship or marriage in minutes with our recommended The Magic of Making Up product

Noskay: Author and Publisher of Many Romance and Relationship Books